Bird nesting and silent divorces: How soaring house prices are shaping separations

Australia’s divorce rate is at a 50-year low, but before we celebrate cupid’s success story, experts say there’s a more somber message behind closed doors. The skyrocketing cost of real estate could be a major reason why couples are deciding to stay under the same roof.

While the application fee for divorce is just $1125, costs associated with legally separating can balloon out beyond $100,000. Then there is the financial burden of splitting the family home, and any other real estate assets.

It is generally cheaper to run a single household where many resources are shared rather than two separate households, and experts say this, plus soaring property prices might be encouraging couples to remain married.

National property values have increased by 50% in the five years since Covid, PropTrack data shows, raising the financial barrier single-income households face when trying to purchase a home – let alone one within close proximity to their kids’ existing schools and established communities.

Nat Gordon, a vendors advocate and founder of Propoholic who has helped many couples navigate separation, said sky high property prices are definitely keeping some households together.

“We need to ask, what are the factors behind that decision to stay under one roof? Are people staying unhappily married or are there other reasons why people are staying together?” she said.

“There are a lot of people living in separate bedrooms from their spouse, if they can, because it’s just not possible to immediately divorce. Maybe not forever, but it’s certainly happening for a period of time while couples work out their financial situation including the value of their asset pool. I’m seeing more of that over the last five to eight years, especially during Covid,” she said.

Despite a small jump in divorce numbers following Covid lockdowns, the rate has been on a steady downward trajectory for over two decades. The number of divorces fell 3% from 2023 to 2024.

Ms Gordon said silent divorce is also a trend where a couple remains legally married, but their emotional and physical relationship has effectively ended.

“People are adopting a lot of different scenarios, but I’m seeing more families adopting “bird nest” parenting. Sometimes it’s because of the cost of property and relocating, but other times it’s for the benefit of their kids.”

Bird’s nest parenting, also known as nesting, is a co-parenting arrangement where the children stay in the family home and the parents rotate in and out.

Taking the first separation steps

Ms Gordon says she’s usually brought in very early in the separation timeline to sort out the sale of the family home, and sometimes shared investment properties.

“Recently I was called in to negotiate a sale where one half had appointed a real estate agent to sell the family home. The agent was running a sub-standard campaign with no success after several months and the other half just wanted to move on. I came in to mediate between the two and appoint a new agent with appropriate credentials to sell the home,” she explained.

“The second campaign was successful and both parties were delighted with the outcome and even remained friendly to boot!”

She added that when it comes to the emotional minefield of separation, it’s critical couples surround themselves with the right team.

“I research what agent is the most appropriate for the property in question. Where I’m dealing with divorces, I make sure the agent is not only a good negotiator, but someone who is also used to dealing with additional personal factors.

“You can’t just have an agent who is a market leader and a bulldog sales person if they’re not going to take into consideration the emotion in the situation.”

Determining the fair share

Angela Harbinson, founder of The Separation Guide, said there are so many moving parts to divorce she wanted to create a safe space for people to land in times of need.

“The costs of setting up two separate homes is quite prohibitive, of course, so we really look at giving people a range of different options around how they can leverage equity in their property,” she said.

Without getting the right advice from day one, Harbinson said people can make poor decisions that will impact them both emotionally and financially for years to come.

Misunderstanding how assets are shared, or assuming all separations end in a 50/50 split is a common error many people make, according to Harbinson.

“This is one of the biggest areas of gender inequality. Many people are not getting the right advice and think that 50/50 sounds fair. But the law looks at your financial and non-financial contributions; whether you’ve stepped away from your career to raise a family and if you still need to. The law will take it all into consideration and then balance the split,” she said.

“We did a state of separation impact report in 2023 and found that 42% of women who were doing a DIY divorce were accepting unfair arrangements that could set them up for financial disadvantage.”

She added that time and careful consideration will usually result in a better outcome for everyone.

“Regardless of income level, regardless of property ownership, natural human behaviour in times of stress and separation is often to go into fight or flight. Then people are pushed into this fear state of thinking that they can’t afford certain things, even though the reality of that might be quite different,” she said, adding that immediately putting the house on the market might not be the best avenue for all couples.

“There are alternatives to completely selling your home. You could sell some equity in your home, and buy out the other person. Also, you don’t have to jump in straight away and buy a home; you could look at renting for a small period of time until you figure out what you’re doing next, before reentering the property market.”

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